Have any of you tried Metamucil? You know the orange flavored powder that helps you poop? Yeah, I have. For weeks, I drank a tall glass of this stuff every day when I lived with my aunt and uncle.
Well into months of abuse I became super constipated. Crippling pain, didn’t go for weeks at a time, constipated. This seems odd to me because my hideaway was the bathroom. Every school day like clockwork, I’d run and hide in the bathroom the second I heard the garage door open. She was home. I felt scared, what mood would walk through the door? I even pulled down my pants and sat on the toilet, just in case she busted through and caught me hiding. Sometimes she ignored me, sometimes I received a cheery and concerned greeting, and sometimes she yelled while banging on the door. I always “finished” within minutes complete with a flush.
But because I was scared she would come in I never actually pooped. Bathroom time is sacred time, right? Being fearful of getting caught in the act will stop anyone from going.
We finally went to the doctor who told me I was constipated. Ugh, I knew that. He told us I needed to have a tall glass of water with Metamucil every day for the next couple weeks and then make sure I had a tall glass of water every day after. From what I remember, Metamucil was only available in orange flavor. I hate oranges and my aunt knew that. She used this as a form of punishment.
I tried to be good and drink my glass before my aunt came home. When I forgot, which happened, she poured an impromptu concoction for me. If I was lucky just Metamucil and water. More times than not, I wasn’t. Metamucil, spices, dish soap. Metamucil, water, other toxic ingredient from under the sink. This caused me to throw up a few times.
Having to drink a glass of water every day eventually subsided. But to this day it’s hard for me to look at a Metamucil bottle. It creates such anxiety: my heart races, I get a tight knot in my chest, and I salivate in a gross way. I can taste the awful, gritty, citrus flavor as I type.
After cleaning up my diet and listening to my body in the last three plus years I discovered I have food intolerances/allergies. We are not 100% sure exactly what from, so I’m cautious with what I eat. Because of these stomach issues my doctor suggested a probiotic (duh!) and my boyfriend suggested diatomaceous earth (huh?).
Aka, drink a tall glass of murky water. Insert my very uncomfortable anxious face here as I try not to have a flashback of my Metamucil days.
Diatomaceous earth is a chalky white, silica rich powder that has numerous uses and benefits. Some of which seem unrelated: health vs pest control. You may read on all DE benefits here and here. I use it for its ability to help reduce inflammation in the digestive track and help keep things running smoothly.
The first DE drink I psyched myself up. As an abuse survivor, certain situations cause triggers. My mind tends to jump to the way things were and overthink the present situation. I drank my DE slowly so I wouldn’t throw up. I wasn’t in my aunt’s grasp. This was my choice and something to help my health. I decided to give myself positive affirmations and change the story in my head from the past so it wouldn’t cripple my present.
It’s become a ritual with my boyfriend which helps more than he is aware. I have it every morning first thing when I wake up with my vitamins followed by my fab four smoothie. In the beginning I couldn’t say the name diatomaceous so in true form he asked, “Babe, want some ‘optimus prime’ this morning?” It’s these simple things that make it much easier for me to change that story and remind myself I’m okay. Flashback not included.
What about you, any supplements you take to help with your gut and digestion? Do share! I’m still in the process of working out my digestive issues, both medically and holistically, so I’m open to anything!